Yes! I got Pregnant.

My advice to young christian ladies as a fellow christian sister but who got pregnant before marriage.

This is my story and I hope you’ll learn from it.

Let me begin by saying the father of my child is someone who loved the Lord and still loves the Lord and infact, we met one another based on God’s instructions.

So this is not about being with the wrong person but about not doing the right things as appropriate.

Now so you’ll understand better, we were both executives in the fellowship before it happened and we were truly serving the Lord.

 

Now, follow me…

“Come closer”, he would always say and like a fool that had no other source of instructions I’ll oblige without any restraint.

There was always a voice of warning to pull away but it’s always soon covered up by the rush of hormones and uncontrollable sensation that triggers every part of my body, making me lose control again as the last time and the time before then and days before then.

But each time I go away from there and I’m left alone in my room, there’s a thick cloud of guilt hovering over me and I feel stupid and foolish all over again.

I wouldn’t be able to bring myself to pray because then I’ll remember how I got that sharp warning but ignored and my conscience would be so wounded I won’t dare ask God why he allowed it to happen again.

But soon afterwards, mercy would speak and I’ll finally bring myself back to God in humility and total surrender, thinking in my heart and promising the father that it will never happen again.

I’ll be so disgusted about the thought of it ever happening again, and will be with many rehearsed responses just incase there’s another occurrence and I’m about to fall for it again.

But just like in a cycle, the process repeats itself again beginning from my visit to his apartment, to sitting first on the chair, and next on the bed and finally myself lying on top of him in response to his request to “come closer”.

It continued like this for months but before the real intercourse happens, we’ll try to bring ourselves to a stop and the day would end with a heavy burden of guilt again but a little bit of gratitude that the real thing didn’t happen.

Little did we know that the more we went through these stages, the weaker the barricade became and the closer we got to finally breaking the gate.

 

Permit me to drop this before I proceed,

“Dear sister, the lust you ought to flee doesn’t begin from fornication itself but from that pleasure you obtain even from the stage or romance and sensitive touchings.

That pleasure ought to be enjoyed in marriage alone too and not before.

So, I think it’s safe to say kissing, hugging and inappropriate touching that triggers sexual hormonal response should be counted as sin”

That’s my theory though and I hope you’ll understand now before it’s too late like mine.

 

Now let’s continue…

The warning signs I had became more frequent. I had dreams, I had the thought cross my mind frequently.

“What if it finally happens and you get pregnant?”

That was the question, and I never had an answer to it till it happened.

It was at a time I just finished fasting and prayers which lasted seven days and we couldn’t see all through the fasting period. On the day after my fast ended, I decided to go visit and catch up on recent happenings.

He had his friends (christians too) around but I went into his room and we closed the door as always.

Let me pause here and drop this one.

“Dear sister, going to be alone in a room with that brother is one step to danger, locking the door is like shutting out a corrective rescue and sitting on the bed with him, that’s as dangerous as danger itself.

There’s no way you want to try to paint how strong you are to me. 

I won’t take it because I have been there countless times and I know how it feels soooo well.

Just remember this each time you are faced with that decision”

Back to my short gist, he had his christian friends around but since we shut the door, they must have decided to allow us enjoy our privacy.

 

Maybe I should add this.

“Dear friends of the friends in relationships, please and please, when you are in such situations as this and you see those two going behind closed doors, I know you always have that sharp thought of “What if they fall” cross your mind.

You see that thought ehn. Please don’t ignore it!!! Learn to speak up and stop them!

They might get angry at first, but if you successfully stop them, they’ll be grateful you did. And if they are those who choose to be adamant, I guess in a way, their sins have been rubbed off your hands”

 

Let’s go on….

I went into the room and we locked the door, his friends didn’t disturb us and just as you’ll guess.

We went all “mushy and mushy” on how we have missed each other till we got to the peak we always got to in our cycle, only that this time, there was no restraint and no control.

Yes, the barricade had finally fallen and the gate was broken.

Now that I talk about it, it’s just so funny how that it appeared like we both lost our senses at that time and we didn’t know what we were doing.

But in the real sense, we knew what we were doing but we just couldn’t bring ourselves to stop it until the whole euphoria ended and the hormonal rush ended.

 

Ohhh God!!!

It was physically painful for me though being the first time, I don’t know about him. But the pain was nothing compared to how dirty I felt, my head was so heavy, I thought I was going to pass out.

Maybe if I did, I would have had a chance to lie that it was a rape. Funny right.

But honestly there’s always a way that seems the easiest to hide your sin, but that way is always another sin, just like that would have been a lie.

There was blood everywhere and we were too ashamed to look at each other. There was no words to say, we just remained on the bed angry at ourselves and crying bitterly.

I couldn’t even rise till about three hours after. Luckily for me, I had some of my clothes at his place and so when I finally decided to wash up, I had clothes to wear.

I remember clearly how that he went face flat before me weeping and saying he was sorry, he didn’t know what came over him and it wasn’t going to repeat itself.

Ofcourse I wasn’t in the right place to accept any apologies right, because it wasn’t a rape and I even carried myself to his apartment true/false?

I don’t want to bore you with so many stories, okay. He took off the bedsheets and washed it in his bathroom to hide everything from his friends.

We were both too ashamed to step out of the room that night and I stayed awake for the most part of the night. The next day was a Sunday and I just knew I was not going to church.

At exactly 5:30am I packed my stuffs and left to hide my shame from his friends who actually spent the night in his apartment (there are two other rooms).

He saw me off to my hostel to ensure that I got home safely and he continued begging and asking me to say something.

As I was about to enter into my room, I was finally able to say “stop apologizing to me, we did it together and the blame isn’t yours alone”

I thought I was going to do well with time and get over the incidence but I was only deceiving myself. Throughout the week, I couldn’t concentrate in school. He called me often to check up on me but I told him I was fine and he should worry less.

But truly brethren, fine was a word that was far from me at that time. My mum kept on calling me and I couldn’t pick because I feared God had revealed something to her and I won’t be able to deny it. On wednesday, I had to put off my phone and didn’t go to class nor fellowship for the rest of the week.

It was on the next Sunday, while I was in bed again with crumbs of biscuits I managed to eat all over the bed and pillow soaked with tears, God came for me sending his daughter.

Here’s where I’ll like to talk about how I think a true fellowship should be like….

 

A true fellowship should be a place where there’s the presence of God and true love that would stir you to pray for a sister or brother immediately you get a burden to do so and also obey every instructions that comes with it even when it doesn’t fit into your convenience.

 

That daughter of God was our sisters coordinator.

I have always loved sister Debby, but on this particular day, my love for her went straight to infinity.

Her coming was so precise, I had decided not to open the door to anyone and just like she knew that, she didn’t knock on the door at all.

As I raised my curtain to open the windows for ventilation (I was down but not ready to die, I couldn’t risk suffocation), she was there by the window and she said “Sister Victoria, let’s not try to fight this right now, open the door and let me in”

And as if under a spell, I nodded in agreement and signaled for her to go to the door.

Sister Debby came into the room and the first thing she did was to clean everything I had left scattered and untidy while I sat folded in a corner of the room.

When she was done, she said “God showed me all that happened and has told me to come over and tell you he still loves you”

Now there’s always a difference when the presence of the Lord is so evident. I couldn’t fight nor pretend, I simply burst out crying and she embraced me.

“We had sex” I managed to say.

“I know, and that’s why I’m here”

I asked her if he told her but she said she had a revelation that informed her.

“Sister Victoria, I don’t know how to quantify it and I don’t know why, but God loves you so much and he needs me to remind you of that. Yes, you have made numerous mistakes by ignoring all of his warnings to have fallen into this but he still loves you and desires that you return to him”

She kept on saying those words that some might have taken as mere words of encouragement but as she made each sentence I felt another level of God’s presence and true love that words would fail me to describe right now.

 

I think I might need to put a pause here while I worship God again for his indescribable love, please. I hope you understand.

 

Welcome back….

All over again I felt the love of God afresh and sis Debby held my hands with her eyes closed while she prayed whispering to the father. I wanted to make promises to God that I would never do it again but I couldn’t find the words.

And as I remained there weeping at the overwhelming mercies of God, sis Debby shouted sharply “Jesus!”.

That made me open my eyes and she opened hers too and looked straight at my stomach.

 

It was at that moment I knew there was more.

Immediately my worries came flying back. It had been one of my fears but I kept on waving it off.

“Oh no no no no no!

It should not be sister Debby, it better not be!

It was the first and only time, it better not be what I think you want to say right now”.

I suspected she had gotten a revelation about pregnancy with how quick she looked at my stomach and even though I didn’t want a positive response, I really wanted her to say what she got while praying to have reacted like that.

Oh dear sis Debby,

She simply said, “It is well dear sis, your sins are forgiven and the devil has failed over you. The gift of the Lord within you shall be birthed with no more hindrances”

I was not at peace with that because she was not coming out clear enough but I was relieved she didn’t say I was carrying a baby.

Sister Debby got me to dress up for church after making hot tea for me to regain strength.

I remember how I cried throughout in church that very day but I was able to accept that God still loves me and I started picking up my bible again.

Don’t get it all wrong my dear,it wasn’t as easy as this writing is making it seem right now.

At all!!!!

There were flashes of that evening each time I bowed my head to pray and sometimes I’ll have to open my eyes and observe my surroundings instead just to get it off my head.

But sis Debby took it upon herself like I was the only sister in the fellowship. She called frequently and whenever she called while returning from school to ask if I was home,if my answer was a yes, she would stop by and pray with me. I remember she’ll get me fruits and ask if I have been feeding well.

 

Every fellowship needs sisters like sister Debby, not discriminating and fostering the condemnation the devil is throwing at us but constantly reminding us that one who falls can rise again through the love of the father.

 

Now, to the most interesting part.

Sister Debby was at my place and I was talking to her about going to the fellowship president to confess my sins and being ready to take any punishment that comes with it.

That was when I asked to know what gravity of punishment she thinks might be awaiting me.

And she said,

“A suspension maybe but if pregnancy was involved, you might be asked to vacate your position totally”

Immediately she said that, we both went quiet for some minutes before she asked;

“Did you go for a test after it happened?”

“No”, I managed to say out of fear.

“I don’t think I am ready, by the way it’s just once and my first time actually, so I don’t think anything would form out of that, or do you think I should go for a test?

She probably read the fear written all over my face because she was quick to hold my hands in hers as they were sweaty already, after I remembered my period was now three days late

“I know you are scared, and I am not sure I’m ready for whatever the results would be too sis, but we’ll trust God all the way and I’m sure he’ll see us through” sister Debby said.

I nodded and we both agreed I was going to run the test the next day.

 

To be continued……………..

 

What have you learnt so far and what do you think you would have done differently if you had been in Victoria’s shoes?

Drop your comments brethren, while we anticipate the concluding part of the story..

Remember: Once upon a time series is still on and you can share your story for others to learn also.

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