The Arguments before the Agreement 2

Dara what do I do? We are presently on one misunderstanding because my students had their exams and I was kind of busy with work these few days and had little time for long calls. When I got the chance I called him and he was acting so cold like I had committed one big offense. He is always like that too. I know he’s acting that way because I have been away for sometime but why can’t he just tell me what I have done and I’ll apologize and we forget about it. But he’ll choose to pay me back by trying to act like he doesn’t care too and then the cold attitude.

Dara how’s any of these my fault? Mum keeps telling me to get a man and when I tell her they don’t always understand me she’ll start staring at me like I’m the one with the problem. I don’t even know what to do. What do you think Dee?

“Hmmmmm, big sis. What you shared with me tonight is a lot o, but it’s not beyond what can be solved actually, especially when God is involved” she began.
“I think the first thing I should do is thank you for choosing to trust me enough to have finally shared your story with me. You see ehn, sis, this relationship matter can be very funny and full of lots of drama. But with God and our willingness to be patient in learning and tolerant in love, we will enjoy it. I will like to address your grudge with Mr Fola first because we have to let go of the past to enjoy the future and it’s obvious you are still very much angry at him. It is a good thing that you have been able to point out what you should have done better and you know you know you both made the mistake. I’m guessing the reason you are so angry is because he didn’t handle the separation well right?”

“Exactly Dee, Exactly! Can you imagine how he just asked us to end it just like that as if whatever we shared before then didn’t even matter. I think he already had the other lady then though, and he just needed an excuse to get out of the relationship. Imagine the audacity he had to think he’ll be able to just dictate my life for me and I’ll simply accept. I even asked for us to talk about it so as to make necessary adjustments and the next thing is “Let’s put an end to this relationship, bla bla bla. Very annoying fellow!”

“Hey sis, e calm down ma. You know be could be telling it to people that you also didn’t handle the situation right. You simply accepted the break-up like you were waiting for it too and like you didn’t care about whatever you shared too, if he calls you too proud and arrogant to love, no one will hold it against him you know. Are you people even speaking now?”

At the sound of that question from Dara I knew she would be shocked to know I have really not spoken to Fola since the incidence but I didn’t care.
“Wo, Dara, Good Riddance!”

“Ah, Big sis. Minister Adebola of God. Haba now, that’s why your rage is still so hot. Sis, you have to call him. Wait, and he also didn’t try to reach out to you or anything? I thought you said he was a minister of God, so how come?… How do you people even survive with grudges in your heart now? Howww???. Sis see, this is what I’ll suggest and also ensure that you do.

You are going to pray that the Holyspirit helps you to let go of your anger and that pride that’s stealing your Joy. I’m sure in the place of prayer you will receive instructions and strength to clear your grudges with him.Get ready to call him anyway because I trust my sweet Holy Spirit.

I didn’t know how to tell Dara that I have had dealings in the place of prayers about this before now and I have refused to obey and so I just nodded as she spoke.

“Now let’s go the most interesting part. I think the same issues you had with Henry are similar to these with Daniel and that should be the challenge of attention and submission.

You know I have been in a relationship with Philip for two years now, and all these fights about unavailability and not giving enough attention was also a challenge at the beginning and when it became too frequent we decided to seek counsel. Even when other things were fine and we were so sure God wanted us to be together, it was beginning to look like we won’t reach a point of understanding. He wanted to be involved in everything I was doing and demanded that I carry him along in all my decisions and also agree with his decisions without questioning which I saw as being selfish and inconsiderate too.

On the day we were to meet with the counselor, we went with a willingness to learn and a decision to make things work. And I actually have the voice recording of that day and I had to listen to it again and again after the meeting. I’ll just play the audio for you so you’ll get it better”.

Dara took her phone and after scrolling for few seconds she found the audio and she played it;

“Dara, you ought not to see Philip’s desire for attention as a selfish act but a show of affection. You should know that he wants to be with you all the time and he wants to hear your voice always. And when he is asking you to inform him about everything you are doing, it’s because he cares and has to be informed. It is what gives him the assurance that he is your best friend and that you enjoy discussing things with him. He is a man you know and he is configured just like that, to be aware of everything that is going on with his baby that you are, so he can be sure you are safe. Please feel free to share things with him, even the simplest matters that you can handle yourself. Tell it to him and let him give you the advice even when you already know the advice, it will help him feel loved, respected and feel as a man of authority who can lead his home.

And to you Philip, it is okay to want Dara to involve you in her life to the fullest because you both are looking forward to become one and I agree with you on that. But you need to always bear in mind that your baby has not always been a baby. You met her as a business woman who was already walking in purpose, a smart lady who has been placed in different leadership positions where she had to help people pray about situations and get solutions. She’s used to getting things done herself and solving knotty cases with wisdom and prayers.

And all these are things that you loved about her before you came together to start a relationship right. She can’t drop all of that at once and become a baby overnight always crying to you for help. She’ll adjust with time and your patience and reminders will really help. You can ask her questions too, ask her what she has been up to and ask for details. If she’s forgetting she needs to share them with you, you can jokingly remind her that one of the benefits of being her best friend is being the one she shares every matter with and she’ll get the message. It does not always have to be with a fight or with cold attitudes. You can work things out with creativity, patience, tolerance and love.

Lastly Philip, you have her as your partner and the Lord has blessed you with a very wise Lady. If you want to get her to do anything, you should not force it on her alright. She would ask questions, not because she doesn’t trust you or your judgement but because she seeks for an understanding of the matter. Whenever she asks for the whys, you should patiently explain to her. Sometimes, her understanding of the matter gives you opportunity to draw from her well of wisdom on the same matter too.

And Dara, you should also trust your Man’s judgement on little matters too without questioning alright. Don’t be too inquisitive to make him feel like he doesn’t know anything or make him feel like he can’t be trusted on any matter. Never should you try to argue with your man. Even when you have a contradictory opinion, do not argue or try to proof your point when he’s giving you his view. You should listen in patience and without disrespectful gestures and he’ll ask for your thoughts afterwards, then you can state your view and not by raising your voice at him but peacefully and as a discussion.

To both of you, I will like to say to you that if you are so sure your relationship is based on God’s instructions, then your goal must be to make it work. Even when there are misunderstandings, don’t be quick to ask for a break, instead,you should be quick to talk about it with each one stating their view without arguments and the other ready to listen and willing to take corrections.
Get books and attend relationship seminars too,you can’t stop learning you know. Even after marriage. I will send you a list of books you both should read and some messages I have on building a godly and loving relationship with your partner. Love is sweet when it is mutual and I’ll love to get positive feedbacks from the both of you okay.”

After listening to the audio, I looked at Dara and asked why she never shared it with me.

“You never asked me sis, and you always looked like you were fine”
“Getat! Who told you I’m not fine? I just wanted to know if you were a good counselor that’s all”

“Ah, Big sis, you better confess and stop pretending”

We both laughed and I thanked her wholeheartedly for listening to me and making me see that what I saw as a reason to end another relationship is what can be resolved if Daniel and I could reach an agreement, apply the advice of Dara’s counselor and also seek more counsel from those that have been there and have been successful at it. Dara gave me two books (Waiting and Dating by Myles Munroe, The lady, her Lover and her Lord by T.D. Jakes), to start with and I couldn’t stop hugging her and saying “Thank you Dee, I love you so much!!!”

“Wetin, anyway those books are your birthday gifts o, me I no dey give you anything again”

“Ah, I have even forgotten tomorrow is my birthday o, but wait, you say wetin? You dey joke” I replied her.
I decided I was going to call Daniel the next morning to apologize for not giving him enough attention and for the other things and to also tell him about what Dara shared with me. I was so overwhelmed and really wanted to talk to him and I had to carefully think of the right way to pass my message without confusing him. I told Dara to sit up and listen as I rehearsed my lines, and before I could start, we heard my phone ringing. Lo and behold, Daniel was the one calling to wish me a happy birthday.

“Hello darling” came the voice from the other side.
Immediately I heard his voice, there was a rush of emotions and I heard myself doing the strangest thing, confessing my love like a baby.

“Yes Danny, thank you for loving me, I know I don’t say it often but really I need you to know that I love you so much and I am willing to do everything to make our relationship work. You know how that I don’t always call you when I should and how I always ignore your calls because I’m working, I’ll stop all of that and I will be a good baby from today, I will love you with the whole of my heart and will not be ashamed to say it…..”

I was talking and talking and Daniel must have been shocked because after sometime I heard him say “Is this my Omodebola or it’s someone else?”

I told him I had just gotten an understanding that I was going to share with him and that I couldn’t wait to see him. He was patient in listening to all of my long talks and he said “I love this new you already and I pray to God to love you even more”. We prayed together for about an hour to bless the new year and Dara kept saying “God when?”….

After the call, I looked at her and said..When what?.
You better go and start preparing for aso ebi shopping o, your big sis will be getting married soon.

END NOTES

1. Love is perfect when it’s with the right person. However our failure to correct our imperfections may cause some troubles along the line.

2. Seeking God’s instructions on Marital affairs cannot be overemphasized. It may be good and may seem perfect but if it not God, It will most likely end in tears.

3. The solution to your burden might be very close to you, share the problem and be amazed at the ease by which it’d be solved.

4. Dear brother, the Smart and Independent woman the Lord has blessed you with might be looking bossy and rigid, patience, true love and tolerance will soften her and make her your baby.

5. Dear sister, your brother Philip is not choking you, even though it might seem that way sometimes. Nah, he’s not, it’s just his way of saying “I love you and I need to know everything about you so I can defend you anywhere and know where and how to come surprise you with gifts sometimes. #winks.

6. Minister of the most high. May it not be heard that you are still keeping grudges with that fellow even after so many months or even years. I know it can be very hard, but the Joy and peace that comes after letting it go beats the pain you will feel in the act of forgiveness and resolution.

James 5:9 Grudge not one against another, brethren, lest ye be condemned:behold, the judge standeth before the door.

Amos 3:3
[3]Can two walk together, except they be agreed?
Don’t let the arguments blind your sight of the Agreement the Lord has shown.

Did you learn something or many things? #smiles

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