THE U-TURN

I knew I had to set things straight after I got a message from Jemaimah in response to my Whatsapp status update. It read; “I always thought you were a church girl who loved school and had strong moral standard, I am really not judging You and I still like you anyway but I prefer the former Sarah”.
Now, how did we get to this point?

Self-Introduction

My name is Sarah Daniels and I am 26 years old. I grew up in a Christian home where we woke up as early as 5:30am for morning devotion and no one is permitted to leave the house until the end of morning prayers. Mum and Dad were both workers in the church and I joined service in church at age 7 as a member of the children choir. I was the only female and the last child of the family with twin boys as my elder brothers.
My brothers never really took the whole church thing serious and they only joined the family prayers to obey our parents. As young teenage boys, they only enjoyed going to church to make friends with the beautiful female teens and as they grew older, they would visit other churches to catch new fishes as they called them. I was in Jss 3 when my brothers gained admission and each time they came home, I will always hear them talking about the life they were enjoying in school and how many girls they have at their beck and call.
There was this day I was in the room and they were both talking and laughing about one party they attended and how drunk they were, I was so curious about it and asked if there were girls my age at such parties. Deji was obviously shocked by the question and asked why I was even in their room at that time. They both made me walk out of their room and that was the last day I gained free access into their room. Each time they came home for holidays, they spent more time outside the house than with us and the few hours they are at home, they are always in their room and will only come out to eat.
Every scolding my parents tried to do were done at the table before dinner and sometimes after morning devotion and they soon stopped coming home for holidays.
I had my challenges but I had no one to share them with. My mum was more interested in my academics than other areas until the day I told her I had seen my period and she had to lecture me on staying off boys. Unknown to her, the boys were actually staying off me. I was the smartest girl in my class, yet, I didn’t have a boyfriend. All the girls in my class had boyfriends and they never stopped talking about it. Some even had in school and another at home and I didn’t have any. It bothered me so much and I always looked at myself in the mirror to see if something was wrong with me. I was not too endowed with the whole female package but I was well developed compared to Funmi and Mary and yet they had boyfriends too and I was single. Debby my best friend gave me ideas on how to make boys attracted to me. Ideas ranging from committed use of lip-gloss and powder, amendment of my school skirt to be more tight fitted, and even to changing the way I walked but all did not work.
So when mum was giving me the lectures about staying away from boys I just smiled and nodded to every of her statements.
I didn’t have many friends because most of my mates assumed me to be proud, some even tried to get me in trouble but they didn’t succeed. I was made the senior girl of the school in my last year and it was in that year one of my favorite Juniors, the one I called my school daughter invited me to their teenager’s fellowship.
The day of the program was the last day of our first term examination, my classmates had plans to go swimming but since they stopped inviting me to their parties after I had declined so many (my parents never allowed me stay out of the house for anything asides school and church), I was not invited. So instead of staying home and wondering what level of fun my classmates were having, I called my school daughter and she gave me the detailed description to the venue for the fellowship.

A New environment

When I got there, I was amazed at how teenagers like me really expressed true willingness to know more about God and the pure love with which they related with one another. My fellow teenagers in church were only focused on trying to beat one another in fashion and they formed friendships based on how rich their parents were. In this fellowship, I saw even the ones who didn’t dress too good relating so sweetly with the ones that appeared good and wore expensive clothes and I loved the atmosphere.
There was an announcement after the meeting that we will be meeting everyday throughout the holidays for tutorials and Bible study and I was so happy to inform mum about it. Since it involved the two most important areas of my life that were the greatest concerns of my parents, they were willing to release me and I was more than happy to Join.
It was on one of those days I gave my life to Christ genuinely and started studying my Bible with more hunger to know God. We were also taught the importance of purpose and how to pray to God to reveal unto us our purpose and how to live by it.
Those days were the best of my teenage life and I was so fired up and always ready to preach Christ to my fellow students and why they need to take their attention away from having boyfriends and let it be focused on living a purposeful life. It was during these discussion sessions some of my female classmates confessed that they actually had no boyfriends and were only lying so their friends won’t make fun of them and others insulted me saying I was preaching the ‘no boyfriend’ sermon because no guy ever looked towards me. I was bitter about this at first but after my discussion with aunt Lade, our fellowship leader, I knew how to just smile and let it slide and I understood they were giving such comments because they didn’t have understanding.

Entry into the university

Unlike many of my mates in secondary school, I passed my final exams well and got admitted the same year I graduated from secondary school at age 16. When I got my admission letter to study Biochemistry in university in my state of origin, I took it to aunt Lade and she was so happy for me. My friends in the fellowship also expressed how much they would miss me. I promised to stay in touch and aunt Lade also promised to always call to check up on me.
I had to still stay at home till the next year before school finally resumed and I had to leave my parents. I had grown to love my mum so much and we were beginning to build a good friendship, but I had to leave her to become better and we both knew it.
My brothers were rounding off their studies and were making plans of leaving the country when I resumed my first year in the university. Both of my brothers graduated that same year but only one of them; Dayo was able to travel to England that year while Deji remained in Nigeria and got an employment as the Human resource manager of ZEEKAY Nig Ltd. They were both doing fine and were careful enough not to have gotten any girl pregnant. I said that about my brothers to make explain that I didn’t have financial difficulties as I was receiving funds from mum and dad and my dear brothers.
The first challenge I had was getting a church to attend. I attended about five different churches and I still was not getting the feeling of love and excitement I felt at home with my fellowship members. I called aunt Lade and she suggested that I join a campus fellowship instead and added that I’d feel the excitement and young spirit better that way. I joined a student’s fellowship and as she said, I felt more excitement and I continued with them.

The Change

I continued on my walk with God, didn’t miss fellowship programs and didn’t relent in my academics. That was the former Sarah being referred to in that text from that course mate of mine. I can’t remember how it started but I know the change was as a result of that desire for attention I had to deal with even as a secondary school girl. I thought I had overcome it after my experiences as a born again but in a new environment where campus couples were everywhere with no punishments to limit them and with different guys coming to meet me to help them get close to my friends, it was awakened again.
That desire to be loved and to also be in a relationship. I tried getting close to some guys in fellowship, some of them withdrew and started avoiding me and the others pushed me off by informing me that they had partners already.
It was a time I needed someone to talk to. I called aunt Lade and texted her severally but she was always busy with one thing or the other. And I decided to do it my way by changing my dressing from the modest dressing I was known for to what we can refer to as ‘sexy’. I created new social media accounts and blocked my parents from viewing my Whatsapp status updates. My brothers had nothing against it and so I was not bothered about them. And after these changes, I attracted new friends, the ones that knew how to run these things.
I started getting the attention I wanted but it came with at the expense of my spiritual life. Soon I stopped attending weekly services and only went to fellowship on Sundays. When I noticed some of our fellowship members were beginning to say some things about me, I felt uncomfortable about it and left.
I am not trying to blame anyone for my mistakes but I think the church should be about love and corrections right, our fellowship failed at that by replacing it with mockery and gossips. The very funny ones are the leaders that will come visiting with the goal of getting me back to be more committed to God but will end up not being able to say anything after being served nice meals.
I left the fellowship when I could not stand their judgements and gossips anymore. And the Fridays that were once allocated to vigils in the presence of God became my fun day at the club. Most of the female friends I now walked with did all of that for money but I didn’t need the money, I only wanted someone to make me feel loved.
After enjoying periods of playing hard-to-get for like three guys, I finally said yes to Tunji. I was ready to give him my all and love him in all ways he wanted and it all started fine until he asked for sex. I told him I was still a virgin I wasn’t ready but he kept on saying I was lying to him and me saying I was a virgin was just a lie to hide the fact that I didn’t love him as much as to allow him touch me. I didn’t want him to think I was not in love with him and so I permitted him.

The Heartbreak

Not too long after, Tunji started showing some attitude that I didn’t understand. He was avoiding me and wasn’t picking my calls nor replying my texts. I told my friends about it and one of them said; “Babe, you should get over him my dear, we all know all of these paroles we are running is with no commitment, just enjoy yourselves for a while, collect as much as you can and when things are beginning to look like yours is looking now, you forget about him and move on to the next”
“I never dated Tunji for money, I truly love him” were the lines I kept repeating in tears. This experience with Tunji made me resort to alcohol to escape the pain I was feeling. I was down and my grades decelerated greatly because it happened two weeks before commencement of our examination week. I then understood that I had made a wrong decision.

Home, sweet home.

It was too difficult to turn back. I had to pretend like I was fine and still try to walk with confidence but deep down I felt empty and lost. I traveled home for holidays and was home with mum. I decided to go see aunt Lade and the other fellowship members but as I stepped into the church and remembered the feeling of purity in that atmosphere, guilt overwhelmed me and I ran back home.
My mum knew there was something wrong and tried to reach out but I kept on telling her that I was fine. I was bored and I picked up my phone, as I looked through my gallery, I saw one of the pictures I took at pool some months back and I uploaded it on my status with the caption “F*** all haters, I am out of it” and that was the status that triggered Jemaimah’s message.
Immediately I read that message, I felt a cold chill run across my body. I wanted the former Sarah too, the one who was innocent and pure, who longed for God more than any other thing, but I didn’t know how to get her back and I remained there, weeping and shaking on my bed.
Few minutes after, my mum came into my room to inform me that I had a visitor, but when she saw the state I was in, she screamed; “Jesus,Sarah what is wrong with you” and the visitor had to rush in to see what was wrong. Lo and Behold, it was aunt Lade. I was so angry at her for not being available when I needed to talk to her about my cravings for love from a guy and the whole of me wanted to scream at her and send her away but I was too weak from the shaking and crying and all I could say was; “why are you coming now?”.
Aunt Lade looked sober too and kept on saying she was sorry. I begged mum to excuse us and that was when it happened.

The U-turn

Aunt Lade started by apologizing for not keeping to her promise and for her unavailability when I tried reaching out to her. She apologized with tears rolling down her cheeks and I saw the sincerity and remorse. At that point I realized that even as a person obeying God’s assignment, she is still human and can still make mistakes too but she was willing to admit that she was wrong and she kept on apologizing and explaining how God had been dealing with her for neglecting me.
At first, I didn’t know how to narrate all that happened to her because I knew she would take all of the blame upon herself and say she caused it all. However, I had to confess it all to her for us to make progress. She cried through it all and knelt down crying to God to forgive her.
After my whole narration, she held my hands and said to me; “Sarah, God still loves you so much. Even if you can’t feel it, let the orchestration of my presence here today at a time you just got a message like that be a proof to you that God loves you still and is interested in you”. She shared with me the revelations she received concerning me being a tool for God’s kingdom and she asked if I was ready to re dedicate my life back to the father.
And without hesitation, I said yes and made U-turn back to God.
And this is my message to as many who is in a similar situation and are feeling like it is all over, I want you to know this “God still loves you so much. Even if you can’t feel it, let the fact that you are reading this at this moment be a proof to you that God loves you”

END NOTES

*Sometimes, the weakness(es) we were dealing with while we were yet to believe Christ are still somewhere inside of us and are only waiting for the right environment to rise again. There are two ways to escape this; try not to be in such environment, but if it is unavoidable like Sarah’s, identify those weaknesses, pray about them and seek help.
*Your assignment will require your commitment and availability. An alteration or slackness in that may lead to great consequences. May we not be unavailable when we are needed to rescue a soul from destruction.
*The best way to experience love is to first experience love in and with God. Afterwards, you can trust him to bring a perfect one who will continue to love you right and take care of you the right way.

Dear teenagers, your teenage years can be very difficult with the peer pressure factor. But here is a friendly advice, let your focus be on discovering why you are on earth (your purpose). And the only way to discover that is to get closer to the one who sent you to earth (God). Then, you can make healthy friendship with other purposeful peers of yours and you all can pressure your other mates to discover theirs too.

Dear fellowship leaders and members, helping a fallen soldier to his/her feet won’t happen by gossips and side talks when you see them passing by. No!. The right way is to employ prayers and speak with them with wisdom breathed by the Holy spirit.
If you were Jemaimah and you got an instruction to send a message like that, what will you do? Will you send it or ignore, saying it is none of your business?
If you have turned away from God and you know you need a u-turn. Humbly go before the father and ask for mercy, his arms are open to receive you.

Thanks for reading to the end, don’t forget to drop a comment in the box below and pass the message on by sharing with others.
God Bless.
We appreciate your presence here and we hope that you will continue with us on Faithplane; a journey through Faith way.