U and I (2)

Continued…..

Anyways, long story short, she visited me more often and before long we couldn’t control our emotions anymore. Then, Uche spoke up and started complaining of how guilty she always felt each time she got home after such visits and how she would always have to cry to God for mercy and help. There was this day I remember so well, she came in with a very beautiful and nicely fitted dress and the fragrance of her perfume filled the room. I hugged her immediately the door was locked and pulled her to the bed. We went on kissing and cuddling for about ten minutes, then she whispered gently “stop”, I heard her but the whole of me wanted it and so I ignored and honestly, the only thing that stopped me from pulling off her clothes was when shouted louder “STOP!”. I paused to see her face and that was when I saw the tears flowing down her cheeks.
I felt horrible and I felt like I had abused her. I never wanted to see her cry and i had vowed to deal with whoever tried to hurt her, but there I was, being the reason for her tears. I didn’t know what to say to her to make her stop crying or to re-affirm to her that it wasn’t my intention to make her cry. All I could say was “I am so sorry”. She stood up from the bed, went into the restroom to wash her face and I thought she was leaving but she didn’t. Instead, she sat next to me and said somethings. I can’t remember all now but I know it was something about loving me and knowing I love her too but we having to be careful and not let the devil ruin us if we continued being lustful and allowing our emotions get the best of us. I promised never to hurt her again and told her how grateful I was that she understood that it’s not about not loving her but about not being able to control my emotions whenever I set my eyes on her. And after about thirty minutes of apologies and promises. Guess what?. We felt so sorry for ourselves and yet so loved by one another that we decided to seal it with a hug which graduated to another long and deep kiss but this was shorter than the first because Uchechi pulled away and stood up to leave.

Fire on the mountain

Ahhhh Bukky, it was at that point I knew instead of calling fire on demons, the devil had successfully lit up fire on our roofs and we could not even run to the mountains you know, because there was fire on the mountain!. Days after then, we agreed on not coming to each other’s houses and staying away but even after weeks of staying off, anytime we miss each other so much and decide to see, we would fall again and lose control.
Oh, I think I should add this to avoid wrong assumptions. We never for once had sex and I never saw her nakedness, but we did almost every other things that causes arousal and really, the one who always asked that we stopped and who had more control was Uchechi. At a point I blamed myself for being the monster and causing her to sin and I almost told her to leave me or breakup with me if she thinks she can’t handle me anymore because I felt so useless. But Uchechi kept on saying she knew what she received concerning our relationship and that those temptations were the devil trying to break the plan. I could not talk to anyone about it because I had no other male friends outside the fellowship and how terrible would it be if it be heard that he who ought to correct the sheep is doing exactly the same thing.

Solution missed

I prayed to God for mercy most nights and cried for so long that he should take away these hormones driving me crazy and maybe restore all after marriage.
This was now about a six months into our relationship.I remember, a sunday which was for Brothers and sisters discussion on Purity.Uchechi told me she was not bold enough to talk about it because she felt she was guilty of the offence too and that was why she had you take the discussion that day.You remember that day right? She called the President to say she was on a retreat and won’t be available for service and she truly went on that retreat but the push was because she felt so guilty and could not face you people to condemn what she was doing.
It was after that retreat, she came to me to say the Lord instructed her that we had to confess our sins to a mentor or an elder and she read proverbs 28:13 (He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy) to me. I agreed that we were going to visit her mentor because I didn’t know the importance of having a mentor then, I didn’t have any and so I agreed to go meet her mentor. But on the day we agreed to go, we heard that her mentor was involved in an accident and had been admitted in a hospital.
We went to the hospital but we could not say anything to her because she was in a bad condition and we did not even get to go into the ward she was being attended to. We only stayed few minutes with her husband at the reception and left.
Did I just hear you shout Bukky? You have not even heard nothing.
Uchechi was still very fired up after her retreat and she sent me a very long text of the Do’s and Don’ts that we will have to continue the relationship with, ranging from no kissing, no sleeping over at each other’s houses, no too tight hugs, no meeting in enclosed places, not even pecks. My dear, when I saw the message, the first voice i heard in my head was “omo yi buru o” but after reading again, I knew it was for the good of both of us and for the safety of our relationship.

Just a little permission

Now, to the critical spot that would make you shout. We were able to live on those rules for a whole month and I can tell you Bukky,my spiritual life was revived greatly and I began to enjoy prayer time more and get visions instead of those days of long prayers for mercy and forgiveness. On the 30th of April 2019, we had agreed to always meet in the fellowship auditorium and we met that day too. And that was when the worst happened, that you know about. Okay I should say all here too?. Okay ooo. *laughs*.
So on that fateful day, we were in church and talking about the assignments God has placed in our hands till 4pm when the choristers started coming in for rehearsals.Uchechi and I decided to go to the room for executives to continue our discussion and that was where it happened again. Wee were finished with our discussion and we were about leaving when I asked for a hug and before long, I was planting gentle kisses on her head and next it was her mouth and as my hands were moving over her hair and as I forgot all about where we were at, the President walked in and saw us in that position. And it was when he called my name I jerked back to reality. Uchechi was too ashamed to stay and she ran out of the room. The president didn’t know what to say to me and I was short of words too. I walked shamefully out of the room and expected the worst.

The Best woman for me

As expected, we were both asked to step down from office and our offence was announced in details to the whole executive board while the announcement to the members excluded the details but I know how fast news spread. The night of the day we stepped down, Uchechi got a call from her mentor that we should come see her. Uche was reluctant to go and was about to give excuses when Mummy Adesola told her she really must come see her because she had a vision the night before of the both of us being caged and crying for rescue and that she prayed about it but got an unrest in her spirit signifying that there had to be a meeting.
It was the meeting we both needed. Yeah, It was the turning point of our relationship and our lives. The next day, we were on our way to see Mummy Adesola and Uchechi was looking better than she was the day before. I mentioned to her that she was looking better than the day before and what she replied me with was a reminder to me that Uchechi was the best woman for me and I had no doubt that she really was a strong woman, wise and loving at the same time. She looked to me and said; “Ire dear,honestly, after we were called out in church yesterday, I was already thinking of running away from fellowship and even ending my relationship with you. But after I received my mentor’s call yesterday night, I had a conviction in my heart that God was working something out of it all and after few moments of meditation, I came to a conclusion that being caught by the President was God’s way of reminding us that he loves us and does not want us to continue in secret sin anymore and he already revealed somethings to Mummy Adesola in such a way that we will have no choice but to speak up and seek help. I see good things coming out of this and I know God is really interested in us.Moreover running away from you is like saying No to God’s will and running away from growth, because if we don’t deal with this together now and I end up with someone else, I don’t know how to escape the temptations still and soon I’ll be in the same mess. So I choose to stay with you to fight,grow and pull through together”
All I could say was “You are the best woman for me Uchechi and I am eternally grateful to God for the gift of you, Please don’t leave me”

The meeting

We got to Mummy Adesola and she welcomed us in a very sweet way. Her husband Pastor Adesola was present at the meeting and after being served very chilled orange Juice,Mummy shared her revelation with us again and asked if there was something we had to say to her. Uchechi spoke up first and explained how we have been having troubles keeping our emotions under control, the rules we have tried to apply and how that still failed till we got caught and lost our positions in the fellowship. One thing that got to me in all of her story was how that she didn’t say for once that I was always the one initiating it. Instead she said all putting more of the blame on herself. I didn’t like that and so immediately I was asked if i had any contributions, I said all that she has said is true except for the fact that she was trying to take all of the blame and being unfair on herself. I also added that I was always the one initiating those moments and always the first to lose control.
This sweet couple patiently listened to our stories and maintained a pure smiley face throughout, one that was void of condemnation. And Mummy spoke first by saying, “I see how God intends to solve this puzzle and I think it is going to be a very interesting one since you are before precisely experienced couple who had to go through something similar but overcame to help young ones like you, I will let Daddy address you first because I’m literally overwhelmed by this right now”
We thought mummy was being dramatic but Daddy made us see things clearly by saying the reason she was overwhelmed was because God had told them that part of their life was going to serve as a message to younger ones coming after them and how that in their five years of ministry and marriage, when they were almost completely losing the memory, we were there before them and needing that message.

Another’s Experience, a good teaching

Daddy continued by saying,”I think the first thing to know is that you can overcome that temptation. First reason being that we that you see here today didn’t just stop at the romance, we had sex more than three times even as executives in the fellowship and thought we will never be able to stop it and we almost rushed into marriage to take the guilt away and that was the point she did what I would have called a betrayal if not for the peace that came afterwards. She told her mum she was scared because she was not really ready for marriage and that we only wanted to get married because we could not control our emotions. Her mum was and is still a very strict minister and disciplinarian but she was also a mother. She called for me and she gave us bits of advice that mummy will share with you.
After our sessions with my mother in law and our home church pastor, we never fell into pre marital sex again and we didn’t have to get involved in any form of romance again till after our wedding which was three years after our proposed rush marriage. Amazing right? that’s why i said you too can and shall overcome, God helping ofcourse. And you see, another reason you can overcome is seen in 1 cor 10:12-13 (Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall. There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it). If you are being tempted in this area then you can be sure you can overcome bacause does not permit a temptation that is greater than we can bear. The main focus however is to identify the route of escape and use it.
The first of all of this is to speak up which you have done and I can tell you the devil is so mad right now because you have uncovered it and he knows you are on your path to overcoming.”
After Dad had finished speaking, mummy continued from where he stopped saying: “You see, most of the things I will say now are already a part of the rules you set for yourself, however,all of these rules, just like the perfection that the laws of moses tried to achieve but failed will also not work and total freedom will always seem far. The only factor that can help you live by those rules without feeling like it is a burden is the Holyspirit.

What Shall he done

Howbeit, you both have to set those boundaries together again, have them written down and agree on them, pray over them together with all your heart and invite the Holyspirit to help you live by them and even according to the standard of purity. It doesn’t stop there, the main action is pivoted on your sensitivity to the leading of the spirit especially when you are together, because you would have invited the Holyspirit to help you and the way he will help you is by those cautions and small still voice of warning before things get dangerous again and the emotions cloud you to a point of falling again.
And each time you are to meet, define the purpose of your meeting and how long it will last because when you are idle or when you don’t have something productive to talk about, you are more likely to fall. If you want to meet to re affirm your love to one another or just enjoy each other’s company, meet in a public place. And if you are to meet at home, make sure there is at least one more person with you whose presence can caution you when things begin to rise inside of you.”
Before we left, we did the first thing we had been advised to do which was to list out all of the boundaries and pray that the Holyspirit helps us with the attainment of purity in our relationship. And that was the start of our new phase. Uchechi really helped with an increase in her discipline and high sensitivity. I remember one day we were together at her house and after praying together which was the purpose of the meeting, I looked at her in admiration and I don’t know what that did to her or what she sensed and she said she had to be somewhere immediately and that I had to leave. In few seconds she was at the door and ready to leave. I was shocked but I went home as she had demanded but before I got home I received a text from her saying she was sorry she reacted the way she did but she had to do that because my eyes were already looking more attractive than usual. I could not stop laughing after reading that text.
I submitted to Daddy Adesola as my mentor and they both helped us through it all by regular calls to ask how well we were fairing and how strong we have become over the temptations. I remember Daddy Adesola’s voice message to me a night before my wedding. Daddy said “Ire bobo, by this time tomorrow, you will have all of Uchechi to yourself and there will be no more restrictions, congratulations on the successful completion of the sexual purity course in your relationship”
Bukky baby, that message is as true as it sound o. My baby is fully mine now and I have full access without any feeling of guilt. Wo, infact I need to be on my way home now, to do my duties. *winks*

END NOTES

The first step in overcoming that secret sin is to SPEAK UP!
Does it feel like you have tried and tried but you keep falling into lust again and again?. Take out time to pray to God to show you the escape route because that temptation would not have come your way if there was no route of escape from it for you.
Maintaining Purity in that relationship is not a crime, neither is it an old way of living. Instead, it is the right and acceptable way of living your pre-marital life with your partner.
Remember,
Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: Hebrews 13:4a